F is for

Frick, Fudge, Fooey, Frack, Frellnet and other expressions of dismay.  Also Flabby and Fail.  I took a Free yoga class from a different teacher yesterday.  If that was Yoga 101, then I have been in Yoga025 -Remedial yoga for the old, fat, and stiff student.  In this new class, we were doing "downward dog." which is an attractive pose in which you place hands and feet flat on the ground and raise your butt as high in the air as possible, with your head dangling "like a ripe fruit".  Then the new instructor said, "Right leg scorpion." I lifted my head to see what the hell she was talking about, and there she was with her right leg arched up behind her like a scorpion stinger, foot poised above her shoulder.  "Yeah," I muttered, "Like that's going to happen."  I can't even balance on three points, let alone cock my leg up behind my head like that. 

Moreover, she practices hot-room yoga, and I was sweating like a pony in the First Five minutes.  I would need a sponge and a bucket to mop up afterwards if I did a full session.  Which is to say that I quit about half-way through.  I didn't have the muscles, the balance or the flexibility to do any of the moves, and I wasn't learning anything, so I took my Flabby ass home and soaked in a hot bathtub for 20 minutes.  And I'm still sore today!  I remember when I was thin and limber and could have bluffed my way through.  Ah well.  I'm still a legend in my own mind.

And then there was the Fone Foul-up.  When you shove your dress into the washer, you need to make sure your phone is not still in the pocket.  A trip through the wash cycle, even on delicate and cold, didn't do the phone any good at all.  So off to the mall we went.  The AT&T store wanted very, very much to sell us a third phone line to go with the new phone. $250.  They refused to sell us a  phone without also selling us a third phone line.  We didn't NEED a third phone line!  Radio Shack wanted to sell us a new contract to go with a new phone.  $230. Then DH realized that my SIM card worked just fine in his phone.  In fact, it was possible that we even had some old phones at home that would work.  But before we left, we went to the other AT&T store in the mall.  (Why are there two AT&T stores in one mall? ) and the very nice young man there quite happily sold us a new phone for $10.  No camera in it but I have never taken a picture with my phone yet, so I won't miss it.  DH can Fx a rainy day.  He ALWAYS comes up with a solution to my problems!

This post is brought to you by Frustration, Fretting, and Final satisfaction.  By the numbers Five and Fifty, and by the Flowers that bloom in the spring, tra la!