a favorite rant

A few days ago, LG sent an e-mail to a number of her friends asking if she had loaned a certain book to them. My response?

Not me. Thanks for thinking of me, though. It sounds like a classy, high-tone book. I usually prefer the ones with lots of pictures and words like Whamm! and Pow! And Evil Minions. You just can’t get evil minions any more. Not really evil. Emotionally disturbed minions, socially maladjusted minions, and minions with poor self esteem, sure those are all a dime a dozen. And you get what you pay for, too. With such minions, their loyalty is iffy at best and they will obey you only so long as you are actually watching them. In the old days, your evil minions were loyal to death and gave unquestioning obedience. And they walked twelve miles to school every day, uphill, in the snow! The minions these days won’t lift a finger without a union contract, and then half the time they’re out on strike in solidarity with the boilerfitters’ union or the steam makers' union or the fishmonger’s daughters’ union (who are in contract negotiations with the musician's union over who is entitled to sing "Alive, alive O") . . .You know, I seem to be getting cranky here and I’ve lost my way somehow. Maybe it’s time for me to go to bed. Good night, sweet friend!

(Rant edited for political correctness. There is no pansy-assed fairies' union because, actually, there are no fairies. Sorry, Tinkerbell, you're a figment.)