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So this woman moved into the neighborhood, and she was friendly and cheerful and trying to get to know all her neighbors. The guy next door was a crusty old curmudgeon, but she kept working on him. One day, she said, "Your tomatoes are so ripe and red and mine just haven't ripened up at all. Do you have any suggestions for what I can do to get my tomatoes to turn red?"

He looked her up and down and drawled, "Welllll, first thing every morning, you could go out wearing just your bathrobe, and you could flash your termaters. They'll get so embarassed, they'll turn red as anything."

Well, she was a very nice lady, so she thanked him politely and left him alone. But she got to thinking, and several days later she showed up on his front porch with a chocolate cake. "I wanted to thank you for your good advice," she told him. "I did just what you said, and the results have been astonishing!"

He was flummoxed. "You mean your termaters got red?" he asked, astounded.

"No," she replied, "They're as green as ever. But my zuccini are THIS long!"