Sanna's Bag

“I never seem to have what I need when I need it. I’m going to make a belt-bag that’s bigger on the inside than on the outside, and just carry everything with me.”

Saturday, December 01, 2007

Rant

One of the bloggers I follow has been having trouble with a weirdo at her bus stop and I just have to get on my soapbox about this. Folks, do not be afraid to make a scene if someone makes you uncomfortable. You don't need to attack or assault. You can at least start up pleasantly. ("You keep staring at me. Do I know you?"{channel your inner amazon or you protective mother bear persona to get this in the right no-nonesense tone.}) If he should begin to act inappropriately, tell him to stop. Do not ask him to stop. Do not go on the attack. Just say, "I don't like that. Don't do it anymore."

There was a creep that used to ride my bus. He would sit next to women and edge into their personal space. Pretty soon, he would be pressing his thigh against hers and leaning against her. but other women were so polite and timid about it that I wasn't aware of it until he tried it on me. I looked square at him and said clearly enough to be heard by other riders, "This is my half of the seat. Quit moving in." He got off at the next stop. Other women approached me later and told me he had done the same to them. So when he tried it on a sweet little high-school girl, I stood up, pointed at him and said in a clear, carrying voice, "This creep likes to sit next to perfectly decent women, then starts leaning against them and rubbing his leg against them. Get a good look at him and watch out for him." Other women cheered. Husbands and fathers glared. He never rode that bus again. One day when I missed my regular bus, he started getting on the bus I DID catch, saw me, and jumped right off.

Our shyness and politeness makes us vicitms. You don't need to be assaultive, but you need to take care of yourself. You will not die from making a fuss. I promise. If someone seems to be following you, stop, turn around and get a good look at him. Say, "Are you following me?" Say it in a loud clear voice. Stand up straight and strong. Take up space - don't shrink down and try to be invisible. Put the backs of your wrists against your hips so your elbows rotate out. You look bigger and stronger. Even if someone is following you, he will deny it, but he will also be more likely to leave you alone because you don't look like a victim.

If you get in a tight spot, don't scream "Help, help." Face him and bellow "NO!" "STOP!" "Go AWAY!" over and over till he leaves. You may look like a loon. You will be a live and undamaged loon.

And I trust everyone knows, no matter what weapon he has, what threat he uses, do NOT go with him. If he points a gun at you, throw your purse at his feet and run. It's very hard to actually hit a moving target with a handgun.

Does anyone know if anyone has worked out self-defense moves with strollers or with kids in tow? Things get crazy during shopping madness, we get so desperately distracted, and the predators are out in force. I cherish each and every one of you. Take care of yourselves!!

8 Comments:

  • At 10:10 AM , Blogger Willow said...

    Good,good advice!
    Living as Mary and I did in Los Angeles City, we developed a couple of other ploys. Guys would follow her home and ask her out and she'd say, oh you have to ask my dad. And he'd be waiting in the front of the house for her and she would make a point of introducing them to her dad :) Worked like a charm to get guys to move on. Dad is 6'2" and know how to glower.
    If I thought someone was following me or was making me nervous, I made a big commotion about getting out my cell phone and calling dh, even if I got his voice mail, who would know?
    My sil yells out, "You are making me nervous, don't come any closer to me!" when someone gets in her space.
    Once Mary was on the metro (max) and a drunk guy started stalking her. The only way to get rid of him was to contact the sheriffs on the platform at a station. They arrested him and held him until she got on another train. No one would help her, they just looked the other way. So, ladies and gentlemen, stand up like Roxie and protect our young women! Develop your own defense strategies and empower yourselves!
    End of Willow's rant.

     
  • At 12:24 PM , Blogger Bells said...

    excellent post Roxie. I think we do have to be less timid in situations like this.It's hard and it goes against what many of us are brought up to be like.

     
  • At 5:22 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    I just happened to find your blog this evening and want to thank you for this excellent post. I am too quiet for my own good at times, but will do my best to remember all you've said here. Thank you for posting and the instructions it gives.
    --L

     
  • At 8:13 PM , Blogger Amy Lane said...

    That was awesome--and yes, I have said, (to a frightening number of students, believe it or not) "You are in my personal space. It's rude. Back up." A couple of times I've had to say, "Are you threatening me? I'm just clearing it up, because if you are, it will get you expelled."

     
  • At 10:45 AM , Blogger Warrior Knitter said...

    Terrific post.

     
  • At 11:22 AM , Blogger Donna Lee said...

    This was such a good post, Roxie. I tend to be quiet and just get up and move from people on the train who make me feel threatened. Now, I am rethinking my strategy. It does no good if the culprit then moves in on some one else....
    Have a good trip. It sounds like San Juan is just the thing to escape from a winter storm.

     
  • At 7:01 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Ewwwww, taking 4 buses a day, I've seen quite my share of freaks. One day this past summer, a man was sitting behind a woman with long hair. The man sitting behind her was TOUCHING her hair AND him self. Ewww. I walked forward and leaned over and told her that the man behind her was touching her hair. She screamed, thanked me, and moved to the front of the bus. He got off at the next stop.
    And, what ever happened to manners? I see people (MEN!) pushing and shoving to get on the bus. Whatever happened to the rule of letting ladies and the elderly on first? I always stand to the side to let them on first, and offer a hand when needed. I swear, I live in the wrong time...

     
  • At 2:05 PM , Blogger Lucia said...

    Great post, Roxie! I'm trying to remember where I saw an article about American vs. European women. In Europe no man would try anything like that in public because the woman would do something like what you did, and everyone on the subway car or whatever would back her up. American women are petrified of making a scene, calling attention to themselves, looking weird or stupid. As you say, a live and undamaged loon is a beautiful thing.

    (I am reminded of one time I was riding the subway late at night; I was tired and a little punchy. A guy, the only other person in the station, asked me my name. "I have no name," I said, "I am the wind." [You may recognize this as one of the sillier lines from a silly character on M*A*S*H.] "Oh," he said, edging away a bit, "nice to meet you, uh, Wind." Of course I have no way of knowing this guy's intentions -- he seemed a little off center but probably harmless -- but by going way off center myself I took the wind right out of his sails.)

     

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