How to make hazelnut rum balls.
1. Go to Bob's Red Mill and buy a bag of fresh ground hazelnut meal.
2.Go to the liquor store and buy a quart of your favorite local rum.
3.Go to the grocery store and buy a box of Nabisco "Nilla wafers.
4. Put on your favorite cookie makin' apron.
5. Go to the linen cupboard handpick out a strong, sturdy pillowcase.
6. Pour the 'Nilla wafers into the pillowcase, grasp the neck of this bag between your two hands and whack the shit out of those fragile little bastards. Smack it agains the counter, the refrigerator, the chair backs, and anyone fool enough to stick their head in to see what's going on. When you get weary, take a long neck beer bottle (empty it first) and pound the crap out of cookies until they are reduced to fine crumbs. (Yes, you could make fine crumbs by carefully crushing each cookie under a rolling pin, but where's the fun in that?)
7. Take two cups of chocolate chips - What do you mean you didn't know you needed chocolate chips? What kind of cook are you that you don't just keep a big bag of chocolate chips in your cupboard because you KNOW you'll need them? Very well. I'll just sit here and sip some rum while you go borrow some chocolate chips from the neighbors. And none of that chocolate-flavored crap either.
8. And get a quarter cup of corn syrup, while you're at it.
9. OK. Dump the chocolate chips, one cup sugar, and the corn syrup into a glass bowl and nuke on high for 60 seconds.
10. Stir in one cup rum. Why did I tell you to get a quart if all you use is one cup? Well, aren't you just the precious little innocent? If you can't figure out what to do with the rest of a quart of rum, I could always take it off your hands for you.
11. Hmpf. Well just BE that way, then! blend in three cups of hazelnut meal and two cups of cookie crumbs.
12. Allow to cool, then roll into little bite-sized balls. Roll them in more hazelnut meal if you feel fancy.
13. Seal in an airtight tin and allow to ripen for at least a week.
14. Invite me over to sample and make sure you did it right.
4. Put on your favorite cookie makin' apron.
5. Go to the linen cupboard handpick out a strong, sturdy pillowcase.
7. Take two cups of chocolate chips - What do you mean you didn't know you needed chocolate chips? What kind of cook are you that you don't just keep a big bag of chocolate chips in your cupboard because you KNOW you'll need them? Very well. I'll just sit here and sip some rum while you go borrow some chocolate chips from the neighbors. And none of that chocolate-flavored crap either.
8. And get a quarter cup of corn syrup, while you're at it.
9. OK. Dump the chocolate chips, one cup sugar, and the corn syrup into a glass bowl and nuke on high for 60 seconds.
10. Stir in one cup rum. Why did I tell you to get a quart if all you use is one cup? Well, aren't you just the precious little innocent? If you can't figure out what to do with the rest of a quart of rum, I could always take it off your hands for you.
11. Hmpf. Well just BE that way, then! blend in three cups of hazelnut meal and two cups of cookie crumbs.
12. Allow to cool, then roll into little bite-sized balls. Roll them in more hazelnut meal if you feel fancy.
13. Seal in an airtight tin and allow to ripen for at least a week.
14. Invite me over to sample and make sure you did it right.
posted by roxie @ 2:06 PM
9 Comments:
At 4:23 PM ,
Acorn to Oak said...
Funny post! :-) Those sound so good. My hubby's mom makes something like that every Christmas. I'd be happy to pop over to help you out with the rest of that quart of rum....and to taste test those yummy rum ball cookies. ;-)
At 7:43 PM ,
Rose L said...
Yo Ho Ho, and a bottle of rum! Those pirates must have been a jolly lot.
Hmmm, can you use a large sock instead of a pillowcase??? LOL Just kidding!
At 9:50 PM ,
sophanne said...
I might just get the wafers and beat them. That sounds like fun and with my direction following skills or lack thereof, I should probably practice each direction one at a time before trying to combine them. Hope goodneighborellen has a healthy stash of chocolate chips!
At 10:00 AM ,
Lyssa said...
Hmm...I'll have to be trying that soon! Our oven has been non-functional for a while, so baked desserts aren't happening right now.
At 11:15 AM ,
Galad said...
The perfect recipe! Not only is it yummy, I can release all my frustration and follow it up with a drink LOL
At 5:22 AM ,
Saren Johnson said...
Isn't it a bit early in the season for rum balls?
At 4:16 AM ,
Benita said...
"...whack the shit out of those fragile little bastards." It's a good thing no one is here at the office yet, because I burst out laughing when I got to that part.
You are such a hoot!!!
At 6:03 PM ,
Patricia Lichen said...
Oooh, these sound crazy yummy. I've never made rumm balls. Perhaps now is the time to start...
At 9:44 PM ,
Amy Lane said...
It's not often you read a cookie recipe to your daughter to crack her up-- well done!
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