yeast

My friend DB has begun making bread, after an interlude of years, and she waxes rhapsodic about it. It sounds so nurturing, so domestic, so - womanly! And I have a brand new mixer just sitting there, waiting to be utilized. So (sorry DB) I became a copy cat.

I am by no means a proficient cook, but I have learned, in a long and adventurous life, that your first few attempts at bread baking will not be fluffy and delicate, so when I went ot Bob's Red Mill, I got some rye flour. Rye bread is not SUPPOSED to be light and delicate. If it turns out dense and heavy, well good for it!

Then i got out the James Bear on Bread cookbook and looked up rye recipes. There was one made with beer which I figured was a bonus because the beer would give and extra boost to the leaven. It also included two tablespoons of salt which seemed a bit excessive to me, but what do I know?

I mixed it up. This is not the first time I have dealt with yeast, and I know that if you put yeast dough in a dark, warm place, it will produce friendly gasses and nearly double in size. I KNOW this. This is not, as they say, my first rodeo. And yet, I am unable to stop tearing off bits of the raw dough and eating them. My belly is a dark, warm place. When the dough doubles in size, it hurts. The friendly gasses result in belching, and later flatulence that would amaze and possibly even startle a troop of Marines or even Boy Scouts at a chili feed. It's colder than a dead eskimo outside, so I spent a lot of time walking around in the garage until I realized that the pilot light on the waterheater could ignite . . .this really isn't suitable talk for a 60 year old lady, is it?

So anyway, the bread rose satisfactorily, smelled heavenly, sliced nicely, and was as salty as a pickle. DH consoled me, reminding me that experiments often go awry, and it takes a while to develope a touch for bread. "Try again, - with a different recipe."

What to do with the two loaves of salty rye? Throw it to the birds. Experimental breads will probably turn them into experimental Frankenbirds. If anyone in the neighborhood notices crows with bolts through their necks and visible stitches where parts have been attached, it's my fault. A squirrel just carried off a chunk. Experimental squirrels? Who knows? Oh crap! The possum will probably get into it, too. What will this do to the babies? Sour, salty, wry, ugly little critters waddling thorugh the night next spring? I never meant it to happen!