Sanna's Bag

“I never seem to have what I need when I need it. I’m going to make a belt-bag that’s bigger on the inside than on the outside, and just carry everything with me.”

Monday, April 19, 2010

quiet sunday

I probably ought to work on keeping the camera level when taking these photos, but a giddy, tipsy sunshiny Sunday is about appropriate for the day. We slept in, then lolled around the house. DH cooked up a mess of food for the week (I love spaghetti squashes for lunch. YUM! Throw in a little parmesan and a spoonful of tomato sauce, and you have a tasty meal.) He also made a beef stew that was divine!

I, meanwhile, worked at piecing a quilt started by Amy Lane. I plugged in the i-pod and just let it run. And what a pleasant surprise! Back about Christmas, I heard good things about Sting's Winter album, so I bought it, but never got around to playing it. Wow! It's haunting. And his voice, while not the most melodic, is a marvelous instrument for the diatonic scale celtic-flavored music he features. I was blown away by the power and control he has. And after that the i-pod went on to Herbie Mann, then an album called "Sax in the City" I sewed and sewed and the afternoon just slipped away.

And then I did some bonding with DH. Young women need to be taught that men form bonds by sitting side by side and silently doing things simultaneously. So we sat side by side and played on our laptops, and ended the evening in sweet harmony.

Women bond by sitting face to face, making eye contact, and talking. We are hard-wired this way. When a woman wants to feel closer to her man, she wants to sit face to face , look him in the eye, and talk with him. When a woman sits face to face with a man and says, "We need to talk" he is not hearing an invitation to a closer, more intimate relationship. He hears sirens and warning klaxons and "You're in trouble now!" messages. This is how they are hard-wired. They can learn to mute the panic attacks, but cozy, face to face chats still trigger anxiety in them. Even when they are naked and spent with love.

Why should women learn to adapt to men? Because we can. Think about it. Haven't you had some of your best talks with him while driving in the car?

Is this a manipulative trick, or a practical solution to an age-old problem?

What else should we put in the young woman's Manual?

posted by roxie @ 6:43 AM  

6 Comments:

  • At 7:42 PM , Anonymous LindaG said...

    Love your womanly wisdom! We should also put in the young woman's manual:
    1) You are not always right -- in marriage or anywhere else. You're lovely and loved but just not perfect.
    2) You only need to tell the MAIN stuff about your day. Really.
    And...
    3) That perky bosom? It's gonna sag, sweetie, and there's nothing you can do about it. Prepare for it now by developing an even perkier brain.

     

  • At 4:45 AM , Blogger Saren Johnson said...

    Pick your battles.

     

  • At 6:03 AM , Blogger Heide said...

    My mom gave me a heavy cast-iron skillet (used to be grandmas). She said that if a man ever physically hurts you to just wait until he's asleep, whack the crap out of him with the skillet then leave. The first blow has to be across the forehead though and strong enough to knock him out. When he wakes up the inscription, "Griswold" should be permanently imbedded there. She also told me to watch out for men with cooking trademarks on their foreheads.

     

  • At 11:10 AM , Anonymous tlbwest said...

    Ah, Griswold! The absolute best cast iron - Lodge is second-best and the Asian-made stuff is almost useless. Roxie, I am told that I once chased one JM, known to you, out of my kitchen with a trusty iron skillet. It was the 60s and I'm not altogether sure I remember the incident. I do have dreams about using a skillet a weapon, though, so that resonates.
    On a more positive note, road trips work with spouses as well as teenagers - as long as they aren't too long. And the ability to keep things to yourself as needed is a must.
    Good food on a budget never hurts. Sooner or later you need to eat at home, even if you both work.
    So, frankly, does accepting some gender-stereotyping in household tasks. I mean, wouldn't you rather do laundry than deal with the garbage? But both people need to be able to do most routine chores.
    (43 years of domestic partnership here, 41 of them married. Yes, the same person!)

     

  • At 2:33 PM , Blogger Lucia said...

    Let's see:

    Do not go ballistic when he says, "honey, have you seen the _____ ...oh, never mind, it's right here." I am still working on this one. (I hate hate hate hate hate being asked where things are. I know not why.)

    After a certain point trying to prove yourself right will just infuriate both of you, whether you succeed or not. Sometimes knowing you're right is enough. (But do not let him get above himself.)

    Do not expect him to get excited about knitting if he doesn't knit.

     

  • At 9:05 PM , Blogger Amy Lane said...

    Young woman's Manual...

    Hm. With everything you're tempted to nag about, ask yourself, "Is this worth my marriage?" Because if you nag about it for long enough, it may be.

    Taking care of everything suggests you don't have faith in him to take care of ANYthing. Have a little faith and let him do stuff too. It'll give you something to talk about on long car trips.

    If he rolls over in the middle of the night, says something random, and sticks his tongue down your throat, go with it. You're already in bed with him--what's the worst that can happen?

    And that's all I can think of right now!

     

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