Sanna's Bag

“I never seem to have what I need when I need it. I’m going to make a belt-bag that’s bigger on the inside than on the outside, and just carry everything with me.”

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

a few more finished objects

a nice, quick comforter with red poppies on a white ground. Tres chic!

A bamboo moebius scarf for a local fundraiser auction. The bamboo is sooo soft and silky, but it has no elasticity what so ever!!

More bamboo moebius.

I've been putting in hours at work. Love the income, but miss the time to blog and e-mail. And well... I'll share this so that, if anyone else gets similar symptoms, you won't think it's craziness. I take Prozac because, when I don't, I have thoughts about hurting myself. I don't mean I sit down and think, "Hmmmm, I'm so depressed. Maybe I'll throw myself under a bus." No. Instead, I'll be driving on the freeway and just get an impulse, for no reason at all, to open the door and jump out at 60 miles an hour. Or I'm ironing and get an impulse to press the hot iron against my leg. Things like that. It's not because I'm feeling sad or because life is desperate, because I'm not, and things are grand. It's just a chemical switch in my brain that doesn't know to shut off. I'm starting to get those thoughts again. Probably time to up the dosage. I'm disorganized, absent-minded and not my usual perky self. I have an appointment with the doc tomorrow to tweak the dosage.

The dance and balance of those tiny chemicals is so delicate and SO important, and it has nothing to do with moral fortitude or slackness of the individual. It's like using insulin if your pancreas quits making it. Diabetes is not shameful, and depression isn't either. It's ok to get help!

OK, I'll get off the soapbox now. Tomorrow, pretty pictures.

11 Comments:

  • At 8:54 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Thank you so much for writing about your experiences with medication. So often the use of medication is discovered when the medication is not working. And a little voice in the other person's head says, "yeah, makes sense, she'a been a depressed mess." But your writing is vibrant, happy and full of life. I hope what I've said makes sense. But even if it doesn't, thank you, anyway.

    Ilsalacious@gmail.com

     
  • At 9:25 PM , Blogger Heide said...

    I'm taking 30 mg of Prozac per day. The doctors had me taking lots of other medications too, but I've tried to wean myself off of all of them over the past few months. I had stopped the Prozac as well, but I didn't even want to get out of bed on somedays, let alone go to work, cook, or do anything else. Anyway, I brought that one back in the mix and things are feeling better. This society we live in doesn't allow us the opportunity to slow down and collect our thoughts and be centered. We're constantly bombarded with input from tvs, radios and even computers. Digging in the garden is so very helpful for becoming "grounded" (bad pun) but lately the constant rain has nixed that option for us. I hope that you and your doctor find a balance that helps you feel whole. Hugs from your northerly neighbor.

     
  • At 9:40 PM , Blogger JulieLoves2Knit said...

    Keep talking about the meds - very few others understand what it's like or have any experience with those little imbalances...they make a HUGE difference!!! REI Girl deals with this all the time - as her mom - me too! Hang in there - you too are an inspiration!

     
  • At 11:54 PM , Blogger Rose Lefebvre said...

    Working where I do I have met a number of people in the same boat. So you are not alone. Thank God for those miracle scientific discoveries in medicine that do help so many!! Now, if only it were FREE!! LOL In my dreams!!

     
  • At 5:21 AM , Blogger Donna Lee said...

    Ya know, it's good to hear someone talk about prozac like it's just another med instead of "PROZAC!!!". Working in a mental health center, we tend to take them for granted as just another type of necessary medicine but the reaction of the rest of the world seems to be fear. I take xanax on occasion because I suddenly start to feel like I can't breathe and there isn't enough air and I get panicky. It doesn't happen very often, only when I'm stressed but it happens. I thank all the gods that these things exist and I (and you) don't have to suffer.

     
  • At 6:37 AM , Blogger KnitTech said...

    I hear you. There are times when bizarre urges wiggle their way to the top. Good luck at the doctor's!

     
  • At 1:12 PM , Blogger Lucia said...

    Would you please tattoo that somewhere on my brother's body where he'd have to read it 50 times a day? It might eventually sink in. (Men.)

    To do that, of course, you'd have to come here, and I'd get to meet you...

     
  • At 12:15 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    You know Roxie, your courage has always made my jaw drop. Your heart is so big it can hold all of us just as we are. You're in my prayers. If you ever need to talk....
    Barb

     
  • At 1:00 PM , Blogger Em said...

    Brains are weird things, and sometimes you need tweak things a little bit for them to work at peak awesomeness. There's no shame in tweaking things with chemicals, as you well know. If anybody tells you there is, I'll come out there and make them cry for you. Okay, done being defensive for you now. :)

     
  • At 11:05 AM , Blogger Alwen said...

    I've been hanging out on Ravelry a lot, and find myself looking for your agree button. You get up on that soapbox whenever you feel the urge!

     
  • At 9:28 PM , Blogger Amy Lane said...

    Roxie, you are such a positive force in the universe--if there's anything that keeps your positive, happy, productive brain on track, well that's a good thing, and bless you for keeping yourself healthy with it. And today's pictures were damned pretty too!

     

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