Sanna's Bag

“I never seem to have what I need when I need it. I’m going to make a belt-bag that’s bigger on the inside than on the outside, and just carry everything with me.”

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

This morning when I went out to get the paper at five aey em, I saw two natural phenomena: One was a corn-yellow crescent of a moon glimmering through the tiny baby maple leaves.

The other was two raccoons courting on the front lawn. Ok, enough with the euphamisms. They were well past courting. They were caught in the saddle, grunting, and thrusting. Now, I despise raccoons. They are not dear, friendly, playful disneyesque creatures. They are disease bearing, cat-killing, garbage spreading vermin, and I was not going to stand idly by while they were making more of the same. I ran at them, hissing, growling, and flapping my arms, and succeeded in committing raccoonus interruptus. The female ran off across the neighbor's yard to the north and skittered up a telephone pole.

The male, however, was outraged and squatted, glowering and growling till I was within kicking distance, when he finally sideled a few feet away, then hunkered and snarled at me. I pulled off a slipper and threw it at him, demanding that he get the f___ out of my yard.. He shrieked and snapped at it. Then I proceeded to throw gravel, sticks, my other slipper, the paper, everything but the paperbox at him, and barefoot and growling, I chased him into the next block and up a tree.

The neighbors must love me. Five in the morning I'm flapping barefoot around the neighborhood in my bathrobe and yelling at raccoons. Honestly, I'd call the police on me.

11 Comments:

  • At 1:06 PM , Anonymous Lynne said...

    Y'know... I always thought raccoons were cute and fuzzy... until I had an up close encounter too. Rather scary little guys sometimes!!

    Rather have them than skunks though... :-)

     
  • At 2:58 PM , Blogger JulieLoves2Knit said...

    I can relate to all:
    The racoons have been raiding my cat food too! Hate em!
    The weather is glorious - was in PDX over the weekend - getting my Dad's house ready for his return from the Desert...the blossoms where wonderful, the weeds a pain.
    Here it is a beautiful Central Oregon day - the Mountains are out in all their splendor!

     
  • At 4:31 PM , Blogger Willow said...

    We have been having raccoon problems too. Cheeky nasty things.

     
  • At 7:37 PM , Blogger Heide said...

    Raccoons are evil. I wish your neighbors would video tape your escapades. "Racoonus Interruptus" bwah ha ha!

     
  • At 8:07 PM , Blogger Galad said...

    I actually don't need video. The images in my head of you taking on the raccoon are just too vivid (and funny). Guess it's cause you are such a good writer!

     
  • At 12:58 AM , Blogger Bells said...

    Fabulous story. I agree with Galad. Who needs a video?

    I feel the same way about possums. Arseholes.

     
  • At 5:41 AM , Blogger KnitTech said...

    Oh the joys of neighbors. We're pretty sure it's really raccoons that rule the country. Seriously.

     
  • At 9:22 AM , Blogger Amy Lane said...

    BUWAHAHAHAHAHA! I'll bet the neighbors DO love you-- but the raccoons are probably plotting revenge! (Nobody enjoys raccoonus interuptus... how rude! *chortle*!!!)

     
  • At 12:10 AM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

    Would you mind giving us the names of your neighbors? You've given us fantastic play by play action, but I bet your neighbors could add a different perspective like: "Honey, R's carousing again. She's outside in her nighties, cussing like a cowboy and doing some dance down the street."

    Great story. I wish I lived next to you.
    Barb

     
  • At 7:48 PM , Blogger Alwen said...

    I would happily click on the YouTube video of that!

     
  • At 5:57 PM , Blogger Rose Lefebvre said...

    LOL! Oh, you rascally Roxie!! I can picture it! Next raccoon I see I am going to dub Roxie Raccoon!!! LOL. Now rememer Roxie, we are all God's creatures (except for spiders!).

     

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