If you have never had a migraine

If you have never had a migraine, then stop a moment and be grateful to whatever powers that you believe in. I thought that menopause would mean the end to my migraines. Though they are now much fewer and farther between, they are also less predictable. They start, for me, with a sudden pinpoint of light in the center of my vision. Over the course of twenty minutes or so, that pinpoint draws a filigreed spiral around the inside of my eye, and everything I see is like looking through the edge of a prism. If, during this process, I can get five asprins and a cup of yogurt, and lie down somewhere dark and warm, I will fall asleep and wake a couple hours later feelling dopey but pain-free. Otherwise, I begin to get the sensation of a belt-sander at work on the base of my brain. I worry, because that's stuff I'm going to need sooner or later. Sometimes I have to throw up. Mostly, though, I just grit my teeth and endure.

Hmm - this may be a case of overshare. If so, I do apologize. But it explains where I've been. Migraine started while I was proctoring a GED test and lying down was simply out of the question. After work, I drove home and went straight to bed with yogurt (to buffer the acid) and five asprins. And slept like a hibernating wolverine. Woke really dopey and dragged through another day of test proctoring (Can't miss a day of work in this economy) and again fell asleep as soon as I got home. So now, on thursday, I get an extra day of work, but I don't hurt anymore. It's a lot like slamming a socketwrench into your head: It feels SO good when you stop!!

So tomorrow, a picture of knitting. And today, how about the story of Edith and Bob? Edith and Bob lived in New Jersey and had never traveled very far, but one day, Bob won a weekend trip to Las Vegas at the local Elk's Club raffle. So Edith and Bob, thrilled and nervous, packed their bags and flew off to sin city. Well Edith took to the nickle slots like a duck to a shady pond, but Bob didn't much care for throwing his money away, so he walked around a bit. A pawn shop window beckoned and he wandered in, drawn to some flashy red and white lizardskin cowboy boots. Bob tried them on and they fit perfectly. They hadn't ever been worn, the soles were still shiney. Bob LOVED those cowboy boots and figured, "What the hell! Edith is blowing at least this much on the slots."

So Bob bought the boots and put them right on. As he walked down the street, he could feel everyone gazing at his cowboy boots in admiration. He went into the casino and found Edith. Bob stood where she couldn't help but see his new boots, but all she was interested in was the slot machine.

Bob said, "Edith, let's go wash up and go out to the buffet for dinner." figuring that as soon as the slot machine quit distracting her, she would notice his new boots. But all the way up in the elevator, Edith never said a thing about his new boots. Bob walked proud and stepped high, and edith never noticed his boots. When they got to the room he said, Edith, don't you nitice anything different about me?"

"Did you get your eyebrows waxed?" Edith asked. "'Scuse me a sec, Bob. I gotta pee."

Bob was annoyed. Anyone ought to be able to see those great new lizardskin cowboy boots of his! Well, Bob was gonna make sure that nothing could distract Edith. He stripped right down to the buff then put his boots back on. When Edith came out of the bathroom, there was Bob in his brand new lizardskin cowboyboots boots.

"Notice anything new about me now?" he asked.

"No, your dong's hanging down just the way it always does." Edith said.

"My dong is hanging down because it's looking at my new lizardskin cowboy boots!" Bob snapped.

Edith looked at Bob a moment, then said, "Shoulda bought a hat, Bob. Shoulda bought a hat."