Sanna's Bag

“I never seem to have what I need when I need it. I’m going to make a belt-bag that’s bigger on the inside than on the outside, and just carry everything with me.”

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

know anyone who's moving?

I just spent the last two hours in the garage engaged in a great flattening fest. Our garbage company recycles cardboard for us, but it needs to be flattened. So, being the good citizens that we are, the cardboard cereal boxes, shoe boxes, flats that the bottles of water come on, clever little cages for the clementines, all have been tossed into our garage till I can get around to them. They were blocking out the light. I had to edge sideways to get around them. It was time to flatten.

Since some of them have been in there for months, I always carry out the flattening with a great deal of song and dance. I rap and rattle the stacks of boxes, calling out, "Yoohoo! Spiders? Here I come a-flattening. Will all the black widows please pack and move to Palm Springs? Here I come. Shoo, shoo, shoo. Run away." I firmly believe that the black widow spiders are no more interested in seeing me than I am in seeing them, and want to give them every opportunity to vacate the premises. Occasionally, one will go mad and dash at me. That's when the dancing starts. After many bursts of wild flamenco stamping and fierce cries of passion, ("Fuck! Oh fuck! Where did it go?") I frequently find that I have annihilated a tiny baby dust bunny, a clump of black thread, or a flicker of shadow. Well, the damn thing shouldn't have attacked me in the first place! Cripe! What's worse is that I use a cheap, ill-made, highly illegle switchblade to slit the box bottoms that are taped shut, and am often clutching it with one hand, thrashing for balance, and slapping madly at my ankles with the other. Honest to God, when you know there are black widow spiders stirred up and running rampant, every hair on your leg telegraphs creeping arachnidal sensations to your brain. The adrenalin could satiate a squadron of sky-divers for a week. And you wonder why I don't do this more than once every six months? My heart couldn't stand the strain.

But there are also many good sturdy big grocery boxes, suitable for packing up household goods. You used to be able to go to the local grocery store on Monday evening when all the produce came in, and get all the boxes needed to move, but grocery stores flatten and sell those now, so it's either buy boxes from the moving company, or scrounge from your friends. So if any of your friends are scrounging, I gots some good boxes. It'll be six months at least before I tidy the garage again.

7 Comments:

  • At 5:54 PM , Blogger Heide said...

    Eeewwww, spiders! I once left my car running in the middle of the road because a spider dropped down on me.

     
  • At 5:54 PM , Blogger Willow said...

    I try to co exist with black widows. I send The Professor out with bug spray if I have to poke around in the shed. We had an infestation of the things in our first LA house--in all the corners! Creepy!

     
  • At 7:06 PM , Blogger Galad said...

    I have a garage full of boxes in need of flattening. If you want to bring your skills my way, I could use the help. We have brown recluses in addition to black widows too!

     
  • At 6:13 AM , Blogger Donna Lee said...

    Ah man. You just gave me the major willies. Spiders (and praying mantises) make me squirm. I know they are GOOD insects but still.....

     
  • At 7:07 AM , Blogger Roxie said...

    Tim E-mailed this to me and I had to share:

    Spider salad.

    Steam your spiders live, as this is a safe method of both asphyxiating them and keeping them crisp and fresh. You'll want to chop the legs off the larger spiders and quarter them. Prepare a bed of romaine lettuce, parsley, Portobello mushrooms in season (chopped), radishes, and scallions. Toss in approximately 1 cup chopped spiders, much as you would in a seafood salad, then a generous amount of olive oil, vinegar, lemon juice, and fresh ground pepper. Bon appetit!

    The X great buggeater
    Vegetarian now.

     
  • At 9:09 AM , Blogger Queers in Space said...

    The last time I found a black widow, Caitlin was in kindergarten (she's now 25) and we put it in a jar and sent it to school for show and tell. For some reason, the school looked at me funny after that so. So did the people IN the school.

     
  • At 10:30 PM , Blogger Amy Lane said...

    --Wow--you do the "Fuck, oh fuck, where did the spider go?" dance too? I thought that was just our garage!!!

    Honestly, I am the spider killer here... and I only seem to see them when they're the size of my fist and make a nasty crunch. They might be good in spider salad, but I'm not gonna try it!!!

     

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