ritual

A friend of ours, Tom,  passed away just before Christmas, and we went to his memorial service yesterday.  He was a Korean War veteran, and his coffin was draped with an American flag.  At the end of the service, representatives of the National Guard removed the flag, folded it, and presented it to one of Tom's close friends since Tom's closest relation was a sister in Michigan.  Tom's friends became his family out here, and have handled everything.  Tom was a fine, kind gentleman and will be missed.

The folding of the flag fascinated me.  Meticulous, precise, choreographed movements for every step of the process, from lifting the flag off the coffin to presenting it to the friend.  There is something about ritual and ceremony that helps us through transitions.  I think we need to develop some new ceremonies - especially for adolescents.  The "Car-mitzvah" at age 16 when you get your driver's license isn't really enough. And the hispanic quincenera is just for girls.  Friends had their sons mark the thirteenth birthday by sleeping outside overnight in a shelter the son had constructed himself.  I really like that idea.  Maybe not such a good idea in Minnesota in December,  but something like it maybe.  What would make a good "Coming of age" ceremony?   Or maybe a series of ceremonies: entering adolescence, (When we warn the neighborhood by staining a big red letter A on the kid's foreheads) "turning fifteen - the danger year," And "Reaching 21- taking charge of your own life" when everyone helps the kid move into the independent living of his or her choice.  With vows.  "I am now a grown-up.  I alone am responsible for the consequences of my actions.  At last I can do what I want!"  (and all the adults laugh their butts off.)